Category: My Life’s Experiences

  • Same Degree , Different Grid

    Same Degree , Different Grid

    A Journey of an Architect to JE MADAM: Same Degree, Different Grid

    I spent 5 years learning how to design buildings. 

    I mastered AutoCAD, made perfect 3D renders, and dreamed of my name on a fancy architecture firm. 

    Today, I wear a helmet, walk on muddy sites, and 50 people call me “JE Madam Ji”. 

    Welcome to my journey from Architect to JE Madam at UPPRD.

    The First Day – That Look

    My first day at the office, I walked in and I could feel it before anyone said anything. I was surrounded by people almost double my age, with 20 years of files in their hands and experience in their eyes.

    And then that one common look – _“Is she capable?”_

    No one said it loudly. It was just there, in a polite smile, in a slight pause before they handed me a file. I am a young woman, an Architect turned Consulting Engineer, in a department that has seen mostly men for years.

    I didn’t argue; I just kept working. And slowly, that question in their eyes has started changing.

    My First Site Visit – The Specially Abled Toilet

    My first site was not a high-rise. Not a glass facade. Not a luxury apartment I used to design in my B.Arch studio.

    It was the dimensions of a specially-abled toilet in a Panchayat.

    A 2000 x 2000 mm room. On paper, it looks so small.

    But when I stood there, on the dusty ground, with the mason waiting for my marking – I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. This small toilet is someone’s dignity. For a girl in a village school, for an old father, for someone in a wheelchair – this small room is their right to go to school, to live with respect.

    In that moment, I was so happy with what I was doing. This is real. This is for the ground. This is architecture at its most honest.

    And in the very next second, I missed it. I missed walking into a high-rise, the smell of fresh POP, the site with a tower crane, the lobby drawings. I missed being just an “Architect”.

    The Architect Me

    College was all about creativity. 

    Late nights in the studio. Coffee. Trace paper. Crits. 

    My professors said, “Design with soul.” 

    My dream was simple: design beautiful buildings and win awards. 

    The grid I lived in was clean, air-conditioned, and digital.

    The Plot Twist

    Then came Upprd. 

    Government job. Public service. Uttar Pradesh. 

    First day on site: No AC. No 3D model. Just a blueprint, 40°C heat, and 20 workers looking at me.  

    Someone shouted: “JE Madam aa gayi!” 

    That’s when I realized — I wasn’t here to just design. I was here to build.

    Same Same But Different

    As an Architect VS as JE Madam

    Work in an AC office, while here you work under the sun

    Client: 1 person Client, while here, client is an entire village

    Deadline: “When it’s ready”; while here, the deadline is the Govt. tender date

    Problem: “This wall color? while here Problem is Madam, inki naali ka paani humare ghar ke saamne se nahi jayega ?”

    (English translation – “This wall color?” vs “Madam, their drain water shouldn’t flow in front of our house.” )

    Tool: Laptop + Mouse, while here tools are cotton scarf + diary + pen + measuring tape

    Same degree. Same passion for buildings. 

    But a completely different grid.

    What I Learned

    1. Communication > Design 

       A beautiful drawing means nothing if the mason doesn’t understand it.

    2. You build people, not just buildings

       An architect designs a house. A JE Madam helps a family get a home.

    3. Respect hits different  

       Hearing “Madam ji, aap batao” from workers and elders… that pride is unmatched.

    Closing Thought

    The grid changed. The work changed. The challenges changed. 

    But the architect in me didn’t die. She just grew up. 

    Now I don’t just design structures. I help design futures.

    From drawing lines on paper to drawing smiles on faces. 

    That’s my journey. From Architect to JE MADAM.

  • Lazy Days -The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing

    Lazy Days -The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing

    “Kuch din aise hi hote hain. Na kaam karne ka Mann, na rest karne ka.”

    English translation: (Some days are like that . You have no desire to work, and no desire to rest either.)

    “Kuch din aise hote hain jab laptop Kholo to band karne ka Mann kare. Aur band karo to lage kuch reh gaya. Ye beech wala din sabse mushkil hota hai…”

    English translation: (Some days are like that. You open your laptop and want to close it right away. But when you close it, you feel like you forgot something. This middle day is the hardest one of all.)

    Some days are not Monday, not Sunday, not productive, not even properly unproductive. They are just… lazy days.

    You know those days? Let me tell you how my lazy days look.

    1. Teamwork: Me, Myself and My Blanket

    It’s 9 AM. My brain is saying, “Bro, please, 5 more minutes, just shut down.”

    And my body is like, “No, we have to lie here and stare at the ceiling fan. This is important work.”

    You are awake but you are not awake. You are sleeping, but you are not sleeping. You are in that weird middle zone where you are scrolling your phone with one eye open, the phone falls on your face twice, and you still don’t get up.

    Your mind wants to go on a long vacation to deep sleep. Your body says, “We can’t sleep, but we can definitely not move.” So you both compromise – you stay in bed and do nothing. Perfect teamwork.

    2. When the mind is racing at 200 kmph but the body has applied the emergency brake.

    This is the advanced level of laziness.

    Inside your head – 50 tabs are open. “I should clean the room.” “I should start going to the gym tomorrow.” “What if I learn BIM?” “I need to reply to that message from 3 days ago.” “My life is getting over.” “I should drink more water.”

    Outside – one human is lying on the sofa like a dead Wi-Fi router. Not moving even an inch. Not even to pick up the remote which is just 2 inches away from the hand.

    The mind is running a marathon. The body is on strike. And you are just stuck in the middle, watching this fight. The mind shouts, “GET UP!” The body replies, “Make me.”

    So you don’t.

    3. It’s like you are sitting on a sofa and the sofa says – “Let you sit the way you are, don’t disturb.”

    On lazy days, the sofa becomes your best friend, your mother, your soul mate. It hugs you. It understands you.

    You sit in the weirdest position – one leg on the armrest, one leg on the floor, neck tilted at 90 degrees, hair looking like a bird’s nest. And you think, “This is it. This is the most comfortable I have ever been in my entire life. If I move, this magic will break.”

    So you don’t move. You become one with the sofa. People call you. You say, “I am busy.” Busy doing what? Busy sitting. It’s a full-time job.

    The world can wait. The dishes can wait. The laundry can definitely wait. On lazy days, your motto is: If it doesn’t run away, it can wait.

    4. And then everything starts talking to you.

    This is my favorite part of lazy days. When you are doing nothing, you start noticing everything.

    You spend 20 minutes talking to the clock. “You are ticking so fast, man. Why are you in a hurry? Relax. See, I am not in a hurry. You are just wasting time. Or am I wasting time? Are we both wasting each other’s time?”

    Then you look at your dog and give him a full lecture for one hour: “Listen, Oreo, this is not done. You cannot do potty here and there. This is our house. We have rules. You are breaking the rules. Are you even listening to me?”

    And Oreo looks at you like, “You are the one who has been sitting here for 4 hours talking to a wall, and you are calling ME weird?”

    You talk to the plant – “Are you thirsty? You look sad today.” You talk to the fan – “You are making so much noise.” You talk to yourself – “Why am I like this?”

    And honestly, it’s beautiful.

    We live in a world that keeps shouting: Hustle! Be productive! Wake up at 5 AM! Do 10 things at once! Make your day count!

    But lazy days remind you – you are a human, not a machine.

    Sometimes your battery is not low, it’s just in power-saving mode. Your mind and body are not lazy; they are just tired of running. They need a day to do nothing, to not be judged, to just lie down and talk nonsense to a clock.

    So if today is your lazy day, don’t feel guilty.

    Don’t fight with your body. Let it sit. Let it be weird. Let it talk to the dog. Let it waste time. Because wasting time is sometimes the best way to find time for yourself.

    Tomorrow you will get up. Tomorrow you will run again. But today?

    Today, just be on the sofa. The way you are. Don’t disturb.

    What do your lazy days look like?

  • The Guava Season

    The Guava Season

    Every year, the moment guavas start appearing in the market, my heart does this little skip. It pulls me right back in time when my father would buy them home, always from the first slot.

    It’s been years since he left us .

    But he never really left.

    He’s with us in every story, every memory.

    Especially in Guava Season.

    Well, the guava thing – No one asks him to bring them,

    No one reminds him. 

    He doesn’t like them. But –

    He just remembers to buy them from the first slot itself. 

    U know why –

    Because I like them too much.

    I never knew when he noticed it.

    As a kid, I thought it was just fruit. 

    Now I know it wasn’t a fruit only.

    It was his way of showing love and care.

    ……………………. (Sigh)

    I know,

    I was not a good daughter. 

    Not the way my sisters were. 

    I didn’t have that loud, clingy, always-hugging kind of bond with my father. 

    For the longest time, I thought it was because I was different. 

    Colder. Distant. Maybe even ungrateful. 

    But recently I realized something. 

    I’m not different. 

    I’m exactly like him.

    Because Just as like my father –

    I trust people easily. 

    I don’t over-argue. I don’t overthink before taking action. 

    I take responsibility for what I do. 

    I help people to the best of my abilities. 

    I try to fulfill everyone’s wishes, even small ones. 

    Money is just money to me. It’s never been the center of my world. 

    But I also get hurt easily,

    Because every small detail matters to me, which most people didn’t even notice.

    As I don’t forget how you behaved to me.

    And just because I talk politely doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what you did to me. 

    I notice how you treated me when I was of your use and when I was not

    I watch your tone while talking to you.

    I never see you differently because of your social status.

    I never talk badly about anyone.

    I know the truth, but I still enjoy people’s performances.

    I’m not bad at heart. 

    And I’m not at tongue either… until you provoke me. 

    And once you do, I’m not responsible for my actions. 

    In short — I’m a silent giver. Just like my father. 

    And maybe that’s why I failed as a daughter. 

    Because being like him also meant I never learned how to say it out loud. 

    We show love by doing, not by speaking. 

    Now when guava season comes, I buy them myself. 

    I pick the first ones from thela. 

    And while paying, I finally understand. 

    It was never about the guava. 

    It was about showing up. Quietly. Consistently. Without needing credit. 

    I may have failed to say it, but I hope he knows – I turned out just like him. I am Very Proud of it.

    If you have someone like that in your life… 

    If you are someone like that… 

    You’ll get it.

    #fatherdaughterbond #silentlove #theguavaseason

  • Is it really obvious? 

    Is it really obvious? 

    We as women all have heard this before.

    “Marriage is a big deal. It’s not a joke…”

    “Oh, that’s obvious its marriage, right?”

    “Marriage is like this.”

    “That’s just how it works.” 

    But when you’re actually living it… nothing feels obvious at all.

    I thought I had a script in my head. Do this, get that. Say this, feel that.

    But no one told me about the nights where you lie next to someone and still feel alone. No one told me about the small fights that aren’t about the fight at all. No one told me that love isn’t a destination you reach after the wedding. It’s a road you choose every single day.

    The truth is, I’m still unlearning a lot. Unlearning the idea that asking for space means I don’t care. Unlearning that keeping quiet is the same as keeping peace. Unlearning that I have to have it all figured out just because I’m an adult now.

    That’s why I’m writing.

    Not as an expert. Not with answers.

    Just as The Girl Behind The Grid.

    The one who’s figuring it out in real time.

    The one who’s tired of pretending everything is “obvious”.  And if you’ve ever wondered the same things at 2AM…

    If you’ve ever goggled “is this normal?”

    You’re not alone here.

    Welcome. Let’s figure it out together.

    On June 1, 2025, I got married. I’ve always believed that marriage is proof of love. It’s clear that we should love our spouse, no matter what challenges lie ahead. But everything is very different. It’s not bad—just unlike what I imagined. We have different choices, thoughts, habits, and likely views on life.

    The not so Obvious days  01 

    I am the kind of person who says, “just ignore the evil and let God handle it” 

    He believes, “God can’t be everywhere, so he gave you the strength to go and turn the tables.”

    In the beginning i thought this is normal as i have heard “Opposites Attract”  

    But frankly, that is not the case at all.

    The not so obvious days  02 

    One of us lives with a suitcase half-packed. 

    The other lives half-wrapped in a blanket.

    I’m the one making Pinterest boards at 2AM. 

    “Goa?” “Himachal?” “Kerala backwaters?” 

    He’s the one saying, “But the bed is so good here.”

    It’s not that he doesn’t love me. 

    He just loves comfort more. 

    And I don’t hate home. 

    I just hate the idea of missing the world while we’re still young.

    The not so Obvious days  03 

    One day I had a fight at work, and it was probably his first day there. I was actually so angry at the behavior of someone that I couldn’t help shouting out “ get out of my office right now”. I pulled my chair over and sat down. He sat next to me, relaxed, which irritated me more. I expected him to say something. I looked at him, wide-eyed.

    That night,I tried asking him for an answer, 

    All he replied – “just sleep , we will discuss it tomorrow , okay . 

    I didn’t sleep that night and woke him up at 4:00 am sharp. I know I’m being a lot, but sorry ..

     He rubbing his eyes, and laughing out loud, said:

    “Listen, girl, I know you don’t need me to handle such small situations, and if the matter worsened i was standing at the back i won’t ever let you fall. “ 

    After listening to his reply, all the arguments I had framed all night to pick a fight with him were in vain.

    I slowly realize that in this short time:

    Love isn’t about wanting the same things. It’s about accepting the difference and embracing them. It’s about learning to carry each other’s bags. It’s about supporting each other in tough times. But it’s also about giving the freedom and confidence to manage things independently. And here is the crack I got. I realised that we fight, we bargain, we compromise. 

    We think love continues after “I do” but the truth is, “I do “ is just day 1. Every other day, you still have to choose it. Love is all about putting efforts to understand each other. Efforts that are not about words only, efforts that show up in actions. And that’s what makes the life keep going. 

    So no, it’s not obvious.  

     It’s intentional.  

    It’s not happy ever after. 

    Its Efforts Ever After.

    And maybe that’s what makes it beautiful.”

    The Girl Behind The Grid

    “Tell me — what’s something that wasn’t ‘obvious’ to you? I’m reading every comment.

    #marriage #relationships #reallove