We as women all have heard this before.
“Marriage is a big deal. It’s not a joke…”
“Oh, that’s obvious its marriage, right?”
“Marriage is like this.”
“That’s just how it works.”
But when you’re actually living it… nothing feels obvious at all.
I thought I had a script in my head. Do this, get that. Say this, feel that.
But no one told me about the nights where you lie next to someone and still feel alone. No one told me about the small fights that aren’t about the fight at all. No one told me that love isn’t a destination you reach after the wedding. It’s a road you choose every single day.
The truth is, I’m still unlearning a lot. Unlearning the idea that asking for space means I don’t care. Unlearning that keeping quiet is the same as keeping peace. Unlearning that I have to have it all figured out just because I’m an adult now.
That’s why I’m writing.
Not as an expert. Not with answers.
Just as The Girl Behind The Grid.
The one who’s figuring it out in real time.
The one who’s tired of pretending everything is “obvious”. And if you’ve ever wondered the same things at 2AM…
If you’ve ever goggled “is this normal?”
You’re not alone here.
Welcome. Let’s figure it out together.
On June 1, 2025, I got married. I’ve always believed that marriage is proof of love. It’s clear that we should love our spouse, no matter what challenges lie ahead. But everything is very different. It’s not bad—just unlike what I imagined. We have different choices, thoughts, habits, and likely views on life.
The not so Obvious days 01
I am the kind of person who says, “just ignore the evil and let God handle it”
He believes, “God can’t be everywhere, so he gave you the strength to go and turn the tables.”
In the beginning i thought this is normal as i have heard “Opposites Attract”
But frankly, that is not the case at all.
The not so obvious days 02
One of us lives with a suitcase half-packed.
The other lives half-wrapped in a blanket.
I’m the one making Pinterest boards at 2AM.
“Goa?” “Himachal?” “Kerala backwaters?”
He’s the one saying, “But the bed is so good here.”
It’s not that he doesn’t love me.
He just loves comfort more.
And I don’t hate home.
I just hate the idea of missing the world while we’re still young.
The not so Obvious days 03
One day I had a fight at work, and it was probably his first day there. I was actually so angry at the behavior of someone that I couldn’t help shouting out “ get out of my office right now”. I pulled my chair over and sat down. He sat next to me, relaxed, which irritated me more. I expected him to say something. I looked at him, wide-eyed.
That night,I tried asking him for an answer,
All he replied – “just sleep , we will discuss it tomorrow , okay .
I didn’t sleep that night and woke him up at 4:00 am sharp. I know I’m being a lot, but sorry ..
He rubbing his eyes, and laughing out loud, said:
“Listen, girl, I know you don’t need me to handle such small situations, and if the matter worsened i was standing at the back i won’t ever let you fall. “
After listening to his reply, all the arguments I had framed all night to pick a fight with him were in vain.
I slowly realize that in this short time:
Love isn’t about wanting the same things. It’s about accepting the difference and embracing them. It’s about learning to carry each other’s bags. It’s about supporting each other in tough times. But it’s also about giving the freedom and confidence to manage things independently. And here is the crack I got. I realised that we fight, we bargain, we compromise.
We think love continues after “I do” but the truth is, “I do “ is just day 1. Every other day, you still have to choose it. Love is all about putting efforts to understand each other. Efforts that are not about words only, efforts that show up in actions. And that’s what makes the life keep going.
So no, it’s not obvious.
It’s intentional.
It’s not happy ever after.
Its Efforts Ever After.
And maybe that’s what makes it beautiful.”
The Girl Behind The Grid
“Tell me — what’s something that wasn’t ‘obvious’ to you? I’m reading every comment.
#marriage #relationships #reallove